Getting Discouraged!


Hello Reader,

I have been quiet busy the last few weeks looking for a job and it hasn’t been easy I have applied to lots of places more than I care to think about have a few interviews but so far nothing has panned out.

Searching for a job is very frustrating and time consuming , first I had to sit down and write a resume and figure out how to fill a few gaps in my work history due to being to ill to work what do you do there be honest or be vague? I was honest and I’m not sure it’s working out in my favor.

Interviews are nerve racking and not fun I try and do my best but I seem to be way out of practice , yesterday I had a joke of a interview I went in and I kid you not the man he tried to break my hand with the hand shake well I made sure and gave him a firm hand shake and I squeezed his hand back when he tried to crush my hand I mean what’s this all about? The interview was for a office job but the guy acted like it was a see who’s stronger during the hand shake then he asked two questions and was like thanks for coming in what a waste of my time I don’t even think he bothered to read my resume

Soul Ache


Soul Ache

You took your life and left us,
Twenty four years ago today
Your bullets didn’t take me,
But broken I will stay
The flesh has healed,
My heart will beat
And tears that come are not defeat.
But life did change and tears do flow
Our son and daughters still do grow
I cry for life we dreamt of. . ..
Our family,
Our future,
Our love
Where love and hope should always shine
You have taken what was theirs and mine
You took so much that was not yours
In minds so young you put up doors
Both husband and father you did take
And You left us with a “Soul Ache”
Now life goes on and days go by
And those you left, with memory cry
What we can’t forget we can forgive
Without you,
We continue to live
Can God forgive you for this sin?
In heaven,
We pray,
We will meet again!

feeling depressed


I feel depressed nothing seems to help me feel better and I’ve tried everything i can think of going for long walks , eating healthy foods and excising . Antidepressants don’t even help nothing seems to help I feel like I’m falling in the depths of despair

Not writing


I haven’t been writing to be honest I haven’t really felt like I’ve had anything to write about,

The  weather here isn’t the greatest it’s still cold wet with lots of rain , the other day I narrowly missed a wall of water falling from the sky .

i haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been having weird dreams

Blog -Aholic Award



First, I want to thank my sister in Islam , Dpressedmuslimah

for nominating me for this award.

“The Blog-aholic Award is an award for bloggers addicted to blogging with creative, ingenious and inspiring posts. They mesmerize their followers with their posts, keep them captivated and riveted to their blog. The Blog-aholic Award is also for bloggers who share and inspire others” – The Recipe Hunter (Cook and Enjoy).

So here we go!

My best post is Fear Unknown

Three Facts About Me:

I don’t like being cold

I don’t mind being hot

I cry all the time

I Nominate: (you don’t have to take part if you wish not to)

  1. My Side of the Pole
  2. Diary of a Revert Muslimah

  3. A Ducktrinor Mom

  4. The Muslimah Writes

  5. Muslimah Misunderstood

  6. Come as you are!

  7. Ummbilal01

  8. writingismysanity

  9. thisgirlsjourneytoserenity

  10. muslimu

  11. Scottish Muslimah


  1. Put the above award logo/image on your blog.
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog (it can be to the post in which they nominated you or any other post or you can even link to their “About” page.)
  4. Mention the creator: (The Recipe Hunter (Cook and Enjoy)) of this award and please provide a link or pingback as I (Esmé of The Recipe Hunter (Cook and Enjoy) would love to meet you!
  5. Write a post to show your award.
  6. Share a link to your best post(s).
  7. Share 3 interesting and different facts about yourself.
  8. Nominate 5-10 fellow bloggers, or more if you wish.
  9. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide the link to the post you created.


Thank you for reading,

Sunshine Blogger Award



I’ve been nominated for the sunshine blogger award by Dpressedmuslimah so thanks and check out her blog

The rules :the-rules-of-the-sunshine-blogger-award

The questions ask by dpressedmuslimah are:

How many countries have you lived in? three

What’s your favorite color and why? Blue because its calm

How long could you go without t.v. Internet and cell phone? more then a year , years actually I didn’t grow up with them and sometimes I miss the good old days when you went over to hang out instead of hanging out via internet and cell phone.

Could you survive in the wilderness with just a knife , fire and water? Yes I could thrive , by the time I was found I’d have a camp build and have figured out where to get food to eat.

What’s one weird thing you eat that others don’t? I like to eat nutritional yeast with soy sauce on popcorn with jalapenos

What is one place you wanted to travel to but never have been and why? India not enough money

If you could would you want to speak ,read and understand every language ever spoken? Yes

How many aunts and uncles do you have? Honestly I’m not sure as I never knew my fathers side of the family

How many sisters and brother? And do you get along and regularly talk to them?

two sisters and two half sisters and one brother , we get along we chat a few times a year

Do you have pets? If so what kind? no pets

Have you ever spun yarn from wool? Yes when I was younger it was fun.

I nominate the following bloggers:

  1. Youth Gaze


  3.  Foodie On Board



  6. Diary of a Revert Muslimah

  7. thehijabioutlook

  8. muslimusanj

  9.  Life of A Muslim Revert

  10.  The Muslimah Writes

  11. A Ducktrinor Mom

The Questions I ask are :

  1. Have you ever suffered from depression?
  2. What annoys you most? Why?
  3. Have you ever soaked in a hot springs?
  4. What is one place you wanted to travel to but never have been and why?
  5. Is Grey a color?
  6. Can you ride a horse?
  7. One weird thing about yourself?
  8. If you could be a animal what would you be?
  9. Last book You read? What was it?
  10. Last movie you watched ? Was it any good?
  11. Do you go to the library regularly?

Thank You for reading.


Liebster award



I was nominatied for a liebster award by Dpressedmuslimah and would like to thank her for her kind words and reading my blog.

So here are the rules :


  1. How many countries have you lived in? Two
  2. How many states have you lived in?all most all of them
  3. Do you like to cook? Yes and No depends on my mood
  4. What are you afraid of? hm the list is long , snakes, heights, falling off something ect
  5. Do you read books? oh yes ever chance I get
  6. What was your very first job? baby sitting
  7. How many sisters do you have? 3 full sisters 1 half sister whom I never meet
  8. How many brothers do you have? 1
  9. Have you lost a loved one? yes I’ve lost loved ones
  10. Have you ever had surgery?Yes I woke up during it ow!
  11. Can you Crochet? Yes but not very well

The 11 blogs I nominate are:

Diary of a Revert Muslimah

Girl, Uninterrupted

Youth Gaze




Ashley in Madrid

Muslimah According to Me

Life of A Muslim Revert


The 11 questions I would ask is:

  1. What is your favorite color?
  2. What is your least favorite color? And why?
  3. Do you like shopping?
  4. Have you been on a camping road trip?
  5. Do you keep a journal?
  6. Whats the weirdest thing you ate as a child?
  7. Can you bake? Do you like to bake?
  8. Longest you have went without talking? And why?
  9. Weirdest Place you’ve slept in?
  10. Weirdest phobia you have
  11. Can you speak a foreign language? If So which one?

11 random facts about me

  1. I cry a lot and at weird times
  2. I have super sensitive smell, I can tell when milk will spoil three days before it turns bad
  3. Snakes terrify me even fake one
  4. I have bipolar disorder and  dyslexia as well as PTSDD
  5. I have odd allergies to a lot of over the counter medications
  6. I have chronic migraines that don’t respond to medications
  7. I don’t handle cold very well
  8. I was raped
  9. I would love to own my own library
  10. I have onomatophobia which is a fear of mispronouncing words
  11. Blue is my favorite color.




What dire steadfast from love causes sprigs,
I sing-This verse to Brian! it is due:
This, Even God himself may vouchsafe to view.
Slight is the subject, but not the praise,
That he inspire to stealing my virginal haze.
Say what strange motive, my God! could compel,
A well-bred man to attract this shy belle?
That is: what stranger cause, yet unexplored,
Could make this virgin not reject, my lord?
In his tasks so bold, and I still did so engage,
And in soft news dwells such our wonderful love rage.
So I through white curtains shot timorous ray,
And opened were my eyes that most eclipse day.
Moments within was created a gift of nine months shake,
But now sleepless lovers, by choice, lie awake.
Bound were two hearts; a baby came to ground,
And we pressed together to hear the joyous sound.
Hence, by soft transition, we prepare
From earthly vehicles to life’s new air

Fear Unknown


Fear Unknown

Sometimes when I’m alone I cry;
Not because I’m sad,
So why?
It’s as if my soul hurts
For some unknown cause.
I’m over come with tears,
Trying hard to wash away my fears,
Fears that scare me
I don’t care
Don’t care for me
Or anyone else.
I think I’m going to kill myself.